ILL EAGLE: Unvetted Migratory Birds Flocking to Ireland

29th Feb 2024

Hard to swallow: Military aged MALE birds arriving from AFRICA

Spring is in the air, but grave concern has been raised among people who rarely leave their darkened bedrooms at the recent influx of migratory birds from foreign lands. Both Irish and international tweeters have been taking to the proverbial to vigorously voice their concerns about a different set of tweeters arriving on these shores. 

A campaign has been launched to lobby the government by an organisation representing both the left and right wings of Irish birds, an unusual coming-together of the political spectrum.

“Just because it’s too warm below in Spain or Morocco why should we take them in? Who is leaving them in and why are they not staying to fight in their own country?”, said spokesfeen, Charlie Crow. 

“Where is their documentation? Their presence here is completely ill eagle. This government is a lame duck”, said another source, “it’s completely quackers”. 

“We’ll smash and burn things until we get our way. Our forests and woodlands should be for Irish birds that have Irish passports, that hatched here….who do they think they are, coming over here being given free twigs to make their own nests and taking up branches of trees that Irish birds could be hanging out in. Those flocking here are a real birden on the state”. 

Several well-known ‘citizen bird watchers’ (social media agitators who have no actual qualification or experience as bird watchers) have produced viral videos claiming to show undocumented foreign birds taking up residency in Irish woodlands. 

“This country is clearly a failed state when any bird can just cruise in here and perch on a tree like he owns it. Our forests have been ruined by their colourful, foreign plumage and beautiful bird song. It’s the end of days.” 

As a result of the videos several nesting trees in the east of the country have been set on fire in what Gardaí are describing as an eggestential threat to security.